April 2012
My friend June and I were talking a few weeks ago about savoring what is important to us. We talked about what is meant to really pause and allow ourselves to savor what is important – that is, to “feel into” our values or needs. What about you? What’s important to you? Do you want respect? Consideration and care? Do you want to be known? Do you crave understanding, belonging, companionship? Or do you have a different list of priorities, one that includes a sense of shared reality, choice, wholeness, partnership, wellbeing, and trust? Consider something that is important to you and hold the word in your mind. Imagine it being fully realized in your life. How does that feel? To often, our feelings are pushed aside as non-essential. But it is crucial that we identify our feelings and then understand why we are having them. I believe our feelings are waving a flag. They are either alerting us to a need being met (a feeling we often enjoy) or a need not being met (usually a feeling we don’t enjoy). I encourage you to name the feeling you are experiencing and then connect it to what is important to you (your need or value) [An example: If someone said something that stimulated anger in me, it might be my desire for respect that isn't being met. Now if I focus on respect, and sync into the word and imagine respect being fully met in my life - my experience changes.]
You might find yourself listening to a friend who feels hurt from a certain situation. After you listen for a while, you might deepen into the understanding with your friend that the situation didn’t meet their need for care or consideration. You could take a moment and invite your friend to hold the word “care” in their mind and imagine that need fully met. Notice what happens.
In mediation, (formally or informally with family or friends) it is helpful to invite participants to connect to the need or value when they are preoccupied with a certain outcome. Generally, it isn’t the outcome they want, it is what the outcome would give them. This approach works the same with my daughter. She usually wants choice and autonomy. I ask her to imagine what it would be like to have choice and what would meet her need for choice. Then we negotiate, and that is another process.
“Feeling into” what is important to us can result in positive results when we are experiencing internal difficulties such as when we have different parts of ourselves that want different things. When we take the time to understand what is important (the needs) behind both things we want, and connect to each need we can experience a shift. Once I begin to experience connection to all of my needs (what is important to me), other solutions begin to emerge effortlessly.
I have a dream of a Peace Center in the Kansas City area. This is about what I hope for: peace, learning, effectiveness, interdependence, and much more. When I focus and feel into or savor peace, interdependence, and learning I shift into another state of consciousness. I am now connected to myself and everyone here in my local area in a way I wasn’t a few moments ago. I also have a very strong sense of belonging that I didn’t feel a few moments ago. Suddenly, I have a very strong sense of belonging. From my new sense of connectedness I am not as concerned with having a center a much as having peace, learning, effectiveness and interdependence. I still want a center and I can also see many other ways to fulfill my desire for those needs.
Now that I am feeling a new sense of belonging and connectedness with my community, I will act from this sense of belonging, which in turn will bring about different results from others than before I felt this way. I also feel more confident, and I really enjoy having a sense of confidence.
Once I am connected to what is important to me, and committed to the possibility something happens. How does something happen? I don’t know, it is a mystery to me. Ike Lasater (www.wordsthatwork.us) a teacher of mine describes, and I paraphrase: “When we connect to our needs, our subconscious mind begins searching for ways or strategy to fulfill them; we are not even aware that this is happening.” Another favorite of mine, Mike Dooley writing as the universe (tut.com), and again I paraphrase: “Whenever you focus on anything at all, it is as if a call goes out to every corner of the universe to fulfill whatever is needed.”
In my experience, it is from a place of feeling a sense of connection and belonging that comes from taking a moment and feeling into what is important to me (peace, interdependence and learning) that makes it possible for these universal human needs to be fulfilled. I can’t explain how it happens. Is it my subconscious, is it the universe (God), is it people supporting me, is it me making a commitment?
YES, probably all of the above!
I invite you to feel into and savor your needs and values, imagine them fully met in your life, then live your life from the sense of being that (feeling into and savoring your needs) creates.
Until next time,
Blessings, Love and Peace Matters,
Lori
Note: The Program Mediate Your Life – Mediation Immersion Program taught me the skills to mediate my life, and deepen my skills to navigate my life.
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